Incompetence Extras

Phone Helpline

Can’t find the any key? We’ll walk you through life’s challenges over a simple phone call.

Take a deep breath.

We’re here to talk you through it.

We all need a little help sometimes, and with Incompetence Insurance, that help is only ever a quick phone call away. Our trusty, friendly experts are standing by, ready to provide you with advice on any range of subjects. Whether you need help with IT, tying up your shoelaces, or winning back the heart of a loved one, our skilled professionals are there to talk you through it.

I can hear you… can you hear me?

At Incompetence Insurance, we listen. But when you don’t know what to say, or you’re talking too much crap – we speak. With a quick phone call, we’ll calmly tell you how to navigate the rocky waters of life. Or navigate actual rocky waters. How did you get in rocky waters? Five minutes ago you were in an indoor pool.

What the hell, Brian? Give us a call.

I think you’ve hit the mute button. The mute button, I think you’ve bumped it with your cheek. Can you see a mute button towards the top left?

It’s a tough world out there. Not everyone’s cut out for it – but there’s no shame in asking for help. Now more than ever, incompetent people the world over are still stuggling to carry a mug of coffee from the kitchen to the lounge without painting the walls with it, let alone get by in these wild and unprecedented times that we’re living through. But help is here, and it’s available at the touch of a button. Not that button, that’s a doorbell. NO, NOT THAT BUTTON, that’s – God, Brian, how the hell did you get nuclear codes? Alright. Calm down. We’re going to get you through this.

Get in touch with us. Save the number.

Our phone helpline can also be patched through hidden earpieces that we can provide incompetent people who may need immediate, covert advice and urgent information during job interviews, social situations, and political press conferences.

  • Did you just spill a plate of fettuccine over a customer’s white suit? We can get you through that.
  • Did you just divulge too much personal information while delivering a eulogy? We can help defuse that.
  • Have you just called your first date by your ex’s name? We’ve got a plan for that.

We’re on your side and in your ear.


Find out if you qualify for Incompetency insurance.

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Am I eligible?