From wingman to groomsman, We’ll be there when you need us.
If you need assistance in the real world, our Incompsultants are ready to drive to your location at the drop of a hat. Whether you need help changing a tire, confronting a workmate, or getting your head unstuck from a honey pot, our specialists are there to provide on-location support. We can also even provide you with cover stories, and our professionally trained actors are there to play your scapegoats, your prodigal siblings, or your long lost lovers. It’s OK now. Help is here.
Having trouble cutting a sandwich without slicing off a thumb? Trying to buy a jar of relish without bringing down an entire supermarket shelf? Gotten locked in your own bathroom again? Luckily for you, Incompetence Insurance assistance goes beyond phone consultations. Our eagre and multiskilled staff can drive out to your location to help you out as soon as you call them. There’s no job too big or too small, and our Incompsultants are prepared to do whatever they need to do to get you out of the mess you’ve made.
Do you live in filth? Are you yourself a walking hot mess? Are you the kind of grown up who sometimes requires grown up supervision? Our Incompsultants are here to sort you out. We can send over whatever nutritionists, cleaners, and life coaches you need to help you sort out your affairs so you can pass a work evaluation, swan through a high school reunion, and increase your odds of living long enough to see old age.
While some incompetent people simply need help with menial tasks and life coaching, others may need assistance that involves a little more guile. It’s not overly difficult for an incompetent person to get caught up in their own excuses, fabrications and fictions. Indeed, you might be stacking lies on top of lies, building on a foundation of deceit that goes back years. It might be too difficult to come clean now; heck, it might be downright impractical – would people even believe the truth at this point?
Though our operatives work within ethical and legal parameters, it doesn’t mean they aren’t willing to dive in and get their hands dirty, utilising professional actors, falsified documents, body doubles and even plastic surgery so that they can concoct and enact the identity of any fictional person you need to use as social support, a scapegoat, or an alibi. It’ll be our little secret.
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